Chapter Eighty-Five: The Unlucky Man

There are perhaps a few fools in this world, but Guo Yan, who always looked so honest and simple, was certainly not one of them. Rising from a pitiful street orphan to become the newly founded Beggars’ Guild leader at such a young age, he was by no means easy to deceive.

Without betraying a hint of expression, he saw the ceremony through. A few days later, on a dreary day of endless drizzle, Guo Yan stormed into the Lu household. Without greeting anyone else, he went straight to Tang Xiaoqi, who was doing needlework, and dropped to his knees before her with a thud, weeping as though his heart had broken.

“Sister-in-law, you must stand up for me!”

Tang Xiaoqi started in alarm, and the sewing needle pricked her finger. She sucked the bead of blood from her fingertip before asking in astonishment, “Guo Yan, what on earth is the matter?”

“Brother Lu has gone too far. The inheritance treasure bestowed upon my Beggars’ Guild by the one from Jade True Temple was secretly pocketed by him. He only gave us a bamboo branch to make fools of us. I dare not go and argue with him, so I can only come to you, Sister-in-law, and ask you to seek justice for me.”

With tears and snot streaming down his face, Guo Yan held up the green bamboo branch for her to see.

With a sharp smack, Tang Xiaoqi struck her knee in indignation, secretly mulling it over. That unreliable fellow was at it again, hiding private spoils. Now that he was out and about, the coins she had already placed in his sleeve were no small sum. Could it be that he had pocketed someone else’s treasure in order to give it to that fox spirit Yelai?

“Come! I’ll go with you to find him and demand an explanation.”

Tang Xiaoqi rose in a fury and took Guo Yan with her toward Lu Liao’s study.

As they neared the door, Guo Yan stopped dead. Tang Xiaoqi shoved the door open at once, startling Lu Liao, who had been humming a little tune while singing some nonsense under his breath.

“Well now, Lu Liao, what fine spirits you’re in. I wonder which little sweetheart it is you keep singing about, and when you’re planning to bring her back for me to have a look at.” Tang Xiaoqi fixed him with a sour look and a cutting tone.

“What are you talking about? I was only humming a tune I once heard in the southwestern mountains,” Lu Liao said with an innocent face.

“Hmph. If you’re humming it with your mouth, that means you’re thinking it in your heart.” Tang Xiaoqi gave a cold snort and scrutinized him suspiciously.

Faced with this baseless accusation, Lu Liao acted as though he had suffered a great injustice. He swore to the heavens several times before Tang Xiaoqi finally nodded in satisfaction.

“Guo Yan came to the door saying you secretly embezzled the Beggars’ Guild’s inheritance treasure. Just what sort of magnificent treasure was it, that you, Lu Liao, would stoop so low as to hide it away in secret?”

Tang Xiaoqi played with the green bamboo branch in her hand, the so-called Dog-Beating Staff, and looked steadily at Lu Liao with her bright eyes.

“There’s absolutely no such thing. This bamboo branch truly is no ordinary branch. Don’t let its green, translucent sheen fool you; it’s harder than steel. I put in a great deal of effort just to cut it down. The Cold-Iron Treasure Bamboo from the South Seas is indeed incomparably precious,” Lu Liao said solemnly, full of conviction.

“This is clearly the green bamboo from Mistress’ hall. Do you think I’ve never seen it before? Lu Liao, if you’re determined to keep Guo Yan’s treasure for yourself so you can curry favor with that beloved Miss Yelai of yours, then don’t you ever think of stepping back into my room.” Tang Xiaoqi tossed the branch at him and said angrily.

Lu Liao had originally intended to use the white jade bowl to settle Uncle Hu Yun’s debt, but before two days had even passed, it no longer belonged to him. With a deep sigh, he reached behind the bookshelf and brought out a brocade box, setting it silently before Tang Xiaoqi.

Clear and translucent, radiating a gentle luster, the white jade bowl was clearly no ordinary object. Tang Xiaoqi’s eyes lit up. She picked it up carefully and found it impossible to put down.

“This treasure is wasted on a gang of beggars and vagrants as an inheritance relic.”

Lu Liao gave her an irritated look. “Exactly. And yet you had to bring that greedy fellow Guo Yan to my door.”

After placing the white jade bowl back into the brocade box, Tang Xiaoqi rubbed her legs in remorse and looked at Lu Liao pitifully. “Then what are we supposed to do now?”

“What else can we do? Naturally, we return it to him.”

Lu Liao waved a hand in a look of complete detachment.

Tang Xiaoqi stared at the white jade bowl for a long while, reluctant to part with it, her eyes darting around. In the end, she set the brocade box onto Lu Liao’s lap. “You keep it safe for me first. I’ll go speak to Guo Yan.”

“Ah, your Brother Lu actually did take a treasure from Jade True Temple, but he accidentally broke it. There was no help for it, so he secretly cut down a stalk of South Sea Cold-Iron Bamboo to serve as your Beggars’ Guild’s inheritance token. Just look at the bamboo staff—green and lustrous, shining like green jade. Why don’t you make do with it?”

As she handed the green bamboo staff back to the waiting Guo Yan outside, Tang Xiaoqi shook her head and sighed.

“So that’s all then?” Guo Yan held the green bamboo Dog-Beating Staff stupidly and looked at Tang Xiaoqi with a wry face.

“How could we just let it end there? Your sister-in-law is not that sort of person. I heard you married three wives in one go. I happen to have some jewelry and ornaments bestowed upon me by the one from the temple. Go ahead and choose any three pieces you like, and let that count as my compensation, all right?”

With an apologetic look, Tang Xiaoqi said somewhat regretfully.

The chest had been opened before them, and its dazzling wealth of pearls and jewels left Guo Yan dazzled and blinking. He picked the three most exquisite and splendid ornaments, weighed them in his hands, examined them from left to right, then carefully tucked them into his robe.

Turning the green bamboo staff over in his hand, Guo Yan thought it through. The Beggars’ Guild was, after all, a beggar’s guild; for a beggar leader, this Dog-Beating Staff was indeed the most fitting inheritance token.

Guo Yan departed satisfied. When Lu Liao heard about it, he was so angry he nearly leaped up, pointing at the triumphant Tang Xiaoqi and saying bitterly, “Do you know? Do you know? Each of those three ornaments is worth no less than that white jade bowl. Three for one—how much did you lose? And yet you’re still smiling.”

“What do you know? There are plenty of ornaments and jewels in the world, but there is only one white jade bowl. Don’t you understand that rarity is what gives things value?” Tang Xiaoqi cradled the white jade bowl and smiled in contentment.

Lu Liao slapped his forehead in pain and looked wordlessly at the overcast sky. He realized that he had absolutely no understanding of a woman’s mind.

“Damn spendthrift woman, such a damn spendthrift woman,” he muttered for several days.

Then the weather suddenly cleared. But Lu Liao, summoned unexpectedly to Lu Jiu’s side, still wore a gloomy face.

After sorting through a stack of thick dossiers, Lu Jiu regarded the sullen Lu Liao with calm eyes and a thoughtful expression.

“I’m nothing but a paper-general like Zhao Kuo. Why have you come to me again?” Lu Liao said sourly, wearing a long face.

Lu Jiu paid his temper no mind and said lightly, “Xianyu Zhongtong of the Jiannan Circuit has begun purchasing grain and fodder on a large scale. It seems your last inference was probably correct.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Lu Liao turned his face away.

“My Wang family’s lands in the southwest and in Yangzhou Prefecture are all to be nourished using your composting method. Write out the finer points and precautions in detail for me to examine.”

Lu Jiu spoke as though giving orders to a subordinate, entirely matter-of-factly.

“Hmph.” Lu Liao snorted coldly, but did not dare refuse.

Lu Jiu glanced out the window at the sky and said with a trace of melancholy, “Within this month, my father is planning to arrange a marriage match for me in the capital.”

“Haha, hahahaha!” Lu Liao could not help bursting into laughter. “I wonder which unlucky fellow will be so fortunate as to bring home a female demon like you.”

Lu Jiu forced down her surging anger and pointed at Lu Liao. “I, Lu Jiu, will never marry. Never, even in death. If I break this vow, may I die a miserable death.”

“And then?” Lu Liao laughed gleefully at her misfortune.

“You will go to the Wang family’s marriage contest on my behalf and defeat every one of the candidates.”

Lu Jiu said this with venom.

“On what grounds?” Lu Liao had no desire to do such thankless labor.

Seeing that Lu Liao was nearly ready to jump up, Lu Jiu took out a folding fan and waved it slowly.

“Your debts are all forgiven, and Gu Xihua’s debt is cut in half. After it is done, I shall reward you handsomely as well.”

“Is that true?” Lu Liao really did spring to his feet.

“When have I ever spoken without keeping my word?” Lu Jiu said proudly.

“Hahaha, this is killing me. I never expected that that androgynous fellow would actually be getting married too.”

At the Heavenly Immortal Tower, lying in Xi Hua’s arms, Lu Liao brought up the matter and could not help laughing again.

“Why not you yourself marry Lu Jiu?” Xi Hua urged him with great excitement.

“Not a chance! You want your own man to become the unluckiest man under heaven?” Lu Liao refused with great firmness.

“In the capital, among the sons of nobles and wealthy families, aside from those eldest legitimate heirs who will inherit the family fortune, there are likely quite a few who would want to marry Wang Yuanbao’s precious daughter, the great Tang’s god of wealth. Do you truly have confidence in defeating every candidate?” Xi Hua asked, somewhat worried.

“When the boat reaches the bridge, it will straighten itself. I’ll just take a look and see what happens. If I win, then fine. If I don’t, I’ll treat it as watching a lively spectacle,” Lu Liao said carelessly.

“Then why don’t I go join the Wang family’s marriage contest as well?” Xi Hua asked, sounding rather eager.

“Why worry so much? Come, come—here I have a dual cultivation technique for men and women. Let’s try it out first.”

Lu Liao pulled a manual from his chest and spread it excitedly before Xi Hua.

Xi Hua only glanced at it twice before she slapped him hard across the face. Her complexion pale, she said, “Lu Liao, do you really take me, Gu Xihua, for some shameless courtesan?”

Rubbing his stinging cheek, Lu Liao said awkwardly, “Heaven and earth as my witness, I’ve always treated you as my own wife. When have I ever looked at you as a courtesan?”

“Get out! If you want to try such filthy nonsense, go find your Lady Tang Xiaoqi.” Gu Xihua hauled Lu Liao up and shoved him toward the door.

Lu Liao shamelessly still tried to squeeze back into the room, but Gu Xihua was furious beyond measure. She kicked him hard in the backside, sent him out the door, and slammed it shut.

Sighing dejectedly, Lu Liao realized that however fine a thing might be, if there was nowhere to use it, it was no different from scrap. He suddenly felt that his transaction with Guo Yan had been a terrible loss.

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