Chapter Thirty-Two: Lele's Decision

At the end of May, school was suspended and the final, crucial moment of cramming for exams had arrived.

“Xiaobei, do you have time to come out tonight?” Just after dinner, as I had barely started reading, I suddenly received a call from Lele. Normally, if my parents were home, I’d have no chance of going out at this hour. But as luck would have it, Dad was away on a business trip to Beijing, and Mom was working the night shift at her office, so only Grandma and I were left at home. I lied to Grandma and dashed out the door.

It seemed like ages since I’d gone out with Lele. Her rare whim to meet was almost a surprise, but it seemed that the heavens weren’t on our side—clouds hung heavy, and rain threatened at any moment.

For reasons I couldn’t comprehend, Lele was in a particularly low mood tonight. She walked with her head down, lost in her own thoughts, not saying a word. We wandered quietly together for a long stretch, until at last Lele could hold back no longer. “Xiaobei, I think we… we should break up.”

Her words left me stunned.

“Break up? Lele, you must be joking, right?” I stopped, at a loss, and asked her.

She stopped too, just a step ahead of me, her back turned. In a barely audible voice, she repeated, “I’m serious, Li Xiaobei. Let’s break up.” Her tone was so casual, as if discussing something unrelated to herself.

“Why?” I stepped forward in shock, seizing her arms and turning her around, staring into her eyes in disbelief as I demanded an answer.

“There aren’t always so many whys… If you don’t like someone anymore, you stop being together.” Lele dodged my gaze, keeping her head down.

“You have to give me a reason!” I couldn’t help but grip her arms even tighter.

“I… I just don’t love you anymore. Is that enough?” Still, she refused to look at me.

“It’s not enough! You were the one who said you loved me! Now you say you don’t—look me in the eyes!” Losing control, I shook her quite roughly. Fortunately, the street was nearly empty at this hour.

I didn’t know why I insisted on her looking me in the eyes. Even if she did, what could I do? Nothing. Maybe I just wanted to see how this girl who once loved me so deeply could let go so easily.

Lele pushed me away forcefully. “Don’t be like this! That was then. This is now! Li Xiaobei, you have no ambition, you spend all day playing games! I… I just don’t love you anymore!” With that, she turned to leave.

I grabbed her suddenly, blurting out, “But I love you!”

Lele quieted instantly, turning her face slightly toward me. “Could you… could you say that again?”

“I said I love you! I love you, Lele!” I shouted, almost hysterical, gripped by a fear I had never known—a fear of losing her forever. I’d never felt it when we were together, but now, at this moment, I realized how I could no longer bear to be apart from her.

She gave a soft laugh, tinged with sorrow. “Really? All this time together, and I think this is the first time you’ve ever told me you love me…”

“I…” I didn’t know how to respond. A reckless thought flashed through my mind. “Lele, come with me!” I seized her hand and pulled her forward.

“Where are we going?” She hesitated, but didn’t resist much.

Drizzle began to fall from the dark sky. We turned down several streets until we came to a small motel.

“Xiaobei, you…” Lele looked at me nervously.

I said nothing, simply letting go of her hand and going to the front desk. She didn’t turn to leave, but waited quietly where she stood.

After checking in, I took her by the hand again and we went upstairs to the room.

At the door, Lele hesitated for a moment, but obediently followed me inside. I closed the door and gently laid her down on the bed. She didn’t resist at all, only looked at me with those bright, star-like eyes, quietly watching every move I made.

I took her hand, holding it tightly, then bent down and kissed her soft lips, holding her close and kissing her as if I could forget the entire world.

Lele’s face flushed, her eyes closing involuntarily. I slid her clothes up, my hand moving lower, gently unfastening her jeans, then bent down and kissed her porcelain-smooth skin.

“Xiaobei…” she murmured, “do you remember our first time?”

“Yes,” I replied as I slipped off her top. “That time, you said you were going to force yourself on me…”

Suddenly, she flipped me over with unexpected strength, pinning me beneath her. As I tried to lift my head, her small hand pressed firmly over my mouth.

“You…” I tried to speak, but her hand silenced me, so I let myself go, lying back.

She pressed her delicate cheek against my chest, nuzzling tenderly, then began kissing my abdomen with slow deliberation, leaving no inch untouched. A faint, unplaceable sadness seemed to fill the room.

This time, I gave myself up completely—to her hair, her eyes, her smooth skin, the way her fingers traced my form. I longed to hold her, to keep this body that was about to no longer belong to me.

…

Lele fell asleep, utterly exhausted. Carefully, I pulled her into my arms, kissed her forehead, then drew the thin blanket over our sweat-dampened bodies. She unconsciously reached out, resting her hand on my shoulder, murmuring words I couldn’t understand.

It was past two in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep at all. The air was utterly still, as if granting us this last moment of memory together. My mind was hazy, but Lele’s expression remained etched vividly before me. She had ended things, yet just moments ago, I had still felt her love.

Restless, I turned to gaze at her tired face, which still held a hint of innocence…

In that moment, it felt as if time had stopped. I wished, more than anything, that it would stay that way. But, alas, Einstein’s wretched theory of relativity proved itself true—the night passed, and morning soon arrived.