Fifty-Six: Breaking Up After Valentine's Day

"Do you like it?" Sitting on the bleachers by the track, I gently took Huang Xin's hand and carefully fastened a bracelet around her wrist.

Huang Xin nodded noncommittally, then stood up and said softly to me, "Xiao Bei, let's go back to class." Before I could react, she had already walked several steps ahead.

"It's just one day! Can't you skip evening study for Valentine's Day?" Hands in my pockets, I stood there and shouted after her retreating figure.

Huang Xin paid me no mind and kept walking toward the classroom.

"Huang Xin!" Growing anxious, I hurried after her, catching up in a few quick strides. "Wait for me."

She slowed down a little, allowing me to catch up.

"Let's not go back to class. Let's just wander somewhere, keep me company, will you?" I had never spoken to anyone in such a pleading tone before, and I didn't even know why I was doing so now. Maybe, deep down, I was already uneasy.

"Where to?" At last, she stopped.

"Well... why don't we go to Student Street and find a café to sit for a while." I was unhappy with her indifference, but since she wasn't turning me down outright, I couldn't say much more.

So we turned and headed toward Student Street. In a small café, I ordered two glasses of green tea. The place was already packed with couples—some whispering sweet nothings, some laughing and playing. The only thing they all had in common was the happiness shining on their faces. Only Huang Xin and I were the exception; we sat in silence, quietly sipping our tea.

It turned out we had nothing left to say to each other. I tried to make conversation, hoping to ease the awkwardness, but she remained as cold as ever.

At last, Huang Xin stood up, cutting off my desperate efforts to fill the silence. "Xiao Bei, I'm tired. I'm going back to the dorm to rest."

"Let me walk you back." I hurried to pay the bill and followed her out.

"No need, I can go by myself. Go back to your dorm early, too—there's class tomorrow." She refused my offer without a second thought and walked off with her bag, not looking back.

I watched her walk away, growing smaller and smaller in the distance. A sudden suspicion rose in my heart, and I decided to follow her, just to see for myself.

It was a decision I would deeply regret, because when I saw her again, there was a man beside her. But that man was not me.

"Huang Xin!" I shouted her name in my heart, grinding my teeth.

Stumbling all the way back, I didn't even know how I made it to my dorm.

"Xiao Bei, why are you back so early today?" Monkey, a friend of mine, ran into me at the stairs. I ignored him and walked into the room, my head down, lost in a tangle of thoughts. Seeing me like that, he didn't press me and simply took his washbasin to the bathroom to do laundry.

No one else was in the dorm. I lay on my bed, aimlessly scrolling through novels on my phone, but couldn't take in a single word.

"It's late. If you're done hanging out, you should be back at the dorm." The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I don't know what got into me, but I sent Huang Xin a text.

The moment I hit send, I regretted it—truly regretted it! I frantically tried to cancel, cancel, cancel! But it was too late. The message had already been sent.

A moment later, my phone rang. It was Huang Xin.

At this point, I didn't want to beat around the bush anymore. I asked bluntly, "Tell me, who is he?"

"Xiao Bei, you've got it wrong! He's a classmate from high school, just visiting our campus," Huang Xin insisted over the phone.

Betrayal isn't shameful; what's shameful is lying about it, weaving beautiful lies even when the truth is clear. I said nothing, just listened in silence.

"Xiao Bei, I don't want to be lied to, so I won't lie to others." She kept explaining, but her words suddenly struck me as absurd.

"I hope so." I couldn't bear to listen any longer. I sat up and hung up the phone.

My mind was a muddled mess. Maybe she hadn't lied? Given her usual character, her explanation did make some sense. I kept comforting myself, and though I still harbored doubts, I decided to trust her one more time.

Huang Xin sat right in front of me in class. The next day, maybe tired from listening to the lecture, she propped her chin on her hand, a habitual gesture of hers. But as she lifted her hand, I instantly noticed that the bracelet I'd given her was gone. In its place was a red string—just a simple, thin red string, not bright at all, but glaring in its own way.

Anger, sadness, and perhaps other feelings swept through me. As soon as class ended, I left straight away, not in the mood for any more lessons, and sat alone on the track, thinking about everything.

Maybe this farce really ought to end.

That evening, I made up my mind and asked Huang Xin to meet me. We strolled along the familiar path we'd walked countless times between classes. Neither of us spoke.

"You wanted to see me. What's the matter?" Huang Xin stared blankly ahead, her expression distracted.

"I'm in a bad mood. I just wanted you to walk with me." Even though this relationship had long become an empty shell, even though there was nothing left to salvage, I still felt some reluctance to let go.

"Come with me..." Soon, we arrived in front of the teaching building. I couldn't help but glance up at the dim starlight, then, bracing myself, led Huang Xin into a secluded corner beside the building.

She didn't know what I was up to, but she followed me anyway.

"Huang Xin, tell me, do you love me or not?" I thought, if she just nodded, I wouldn't say anything more. Even now, I found it hard to let go.

"I don't." She answered without the slightest hesitation, though I had already expected it.

"Then let's break up." My voice was soft but firm, and in that moment, it felt as if something sharp had stabbed deep into my heart. I'd always told myself I never really loved her, but now, I couldn't stop my voice from trembling.

Huang Xin looked up at me seriously, then dropped her head again.

"I'm sorry." With those words, she turned and walked away, leaving me standing there alone in a daze...

The next day, when I went to class, I unexpectedly found the bracelet I'd given Huang Xin in my desk drawer, along with a note. Without even glancing at the note, I crumpled it in my hand, grabbed the bracelet, and flung it out the window.

A flash of silver streaked by, then vanished like a shooting star.

(Chapter revised on September 6, 2010)