Chapter Thirty-Six: Mistaken Love

Leaving the examination hall, I didn't feel as exhilarated as I had imagined I would. Instead, a subtle nervousness crept in—a vague unease about an uncertain future. No one knows what tomorrow will bring.

As I made my way out, the entire playground was alive with students excitedly discussing the exam questions and their plans for the summer, gathered in small groups everywhere. Only I walked alone, my solitary figure appearing starkly out of place amidst the lively crowd.

"Xiaobei! How did it go?" Xiaoyi suddenly popped up from somewhere.

"It was alright," I mumbled, my head hanging low, giving a perfunctory reply.

"If it was alright, then it must have gone well!" Xiaoyi grinned, slinging his arm over my shoulder. He was clearly in an exceptionally good mood, probably because he had done well. "Haha, do you want to go back to school and play basketball?"

"Basketball?" Instinctively, I glanced at my left knee.

As soon as he blurted it out, Xiaoyi realized his mistake. He quickly lowered his head and slapped his forehead. "Uh, Xiaobei, I'm sorry..."

"Heh, it's fine..." I forced a laugh and shook my head. "I've got plans tonight anyway."

"Alright then! I'll head off!" Xiaoyi nodded slightly, gave me a thumbs-up for encouragement, and then dashed through the crowd, running out of the exam venue.

After Xiaoyi left, I was alone once more, wandering aimlessly down the street. To my surprise, I ran into Meizi. She was laughing and chatting with her two best friends as they passed by me, but she didn't seem to notice me at all. Or maybe she did, but pretended not to.

After getting home and putting down my things, I called Meizi. "Meizi, let's meet at the bus stop across from Haoke Lai on East Street at 7:30 tonight."

"Alright," Meizi answered mechanically. I couldn't detect any emotion in her voice.

Unable to find anything interesting on TV and with nothing else to do, I lay down on my bed, put in my earbuds, and started listening to music.

Before I could finish the first song, Liu Han called. "Hey, you lazy dog, why aren't you online? The team is waiting for you to train!" Because I always joked about being a lecherous wolf in front of everyone, and since wolves and dogs are somewhat related, someone started calling me "lazy dog," and soon everyone else followed suit.

I couldn't help but grumble inwardly: I'm a wolf, not a dog! I'm a wolf, not a dog...

I remembered how Confucius once said, "Do not fail to reciprocate." So, as revenge, I gave each of them a nickname. Liu Han's surname sounds like "niu," which means cow, so I called him "Silly Cow." Lin Qi's name includes "Qi," which made me think of the KFC mascot Chicky, so he became "Silly Chicken." As for Ye Hui, "Hui" sounds like "turtle," so naturally, I called him "Turtle."

"Uh, Silly Cow, you guys go ahead without me. I won't be joining tonight—I have plans later." Thinking about my date with Meizi, I realized that not even the just-finished college entrance exam had made me this nervous.

Not in the mood to play at all, I hung up, set an alarm on my phone, pulled the covers over my head, and drifted into a groggy sleep...

When I woke up, night had already fallen outside. Seeing it was almost time, I hurriedly jumped out of bed and rushed out the door.

The meeting place was quite close to my house. Across the street, I could just make out Meizi sitting on the flowerbed railing. Yet, with only a street between us, I found it hard to take the first step.

Crossing the road, I tiptoed over to Meizi, who was sitting there curled up with her backpack, earbuds in.

"Meizi." I carefully sat down next to her, leaving about a fist's width between us.

"You're here." Noticing me, Meizi quickly took out her earbuds, unzipped her bag, and tossed them in.

We sat side by side, but I was so nervous that I couldn't utter a word. The atmosphere grew heavier and heavier.

After a long silence, I finally mustered the courage to suggest, "Have you eaten? Why don't we go to Haoke Lai..." I had barely eaten at lunch and was now so hungry my stomach was growling.

"No, I've already eaten," Meizi declined gently. "Don't tell me you haven't had dinner yet!"

Her words nearly made me faint. I could only blame myself for not making things clear with her earlier, leading to this awkward situation. "No... no, I just ate," I lied, my hand instinctively rubbing my growling stomach. I would just have to endure it.

"Did you... did you ask me out tonight because you have something to say?" Meizi bit her lip and asked in a small voice.

Silence descended again. After another struggle, I finally managed to say the words I had rehearsed so many times. "Would you... be my girlfriend?" The moment I spoke, I felt an immense sense of relief, as if a great weight had been lifted.

Now it was Meizi's turn to fall silent. Judging by her expression, she seemed to be wrestling with a difficult decision. Though the bus stop was not far away and crowds of people bustled around us, few seemed to notice what was happening right here.

"Why?" Meizi suddenly looked up and gazed at me intently.

Her gaze made my face flush. "Because... because I like you." Is liking someone the same as love? I didn't know, nor did I want to.

"I only love myself..." Meizi's voice was barely audible.

"Is that so?" Her answer surprised me, so I adjusted my posture, moving closer to her.

"Yes..." Meizi nodded emphatically, curling herself up even tighter.

"So, does that mean you're rejecting me?" At that moment, I didn't know whether to feel happy or sad. Numbly, I looked up at the passing crowd, searching for an answer that belonged only to me.

"No..." After a long while, Meizi finally spoke. "Xiaobei, I can be your girlfriend, but you have to promise me one thing."

"Go ahead," I sighed softly.

"Could we... could we not tell anyone about us being together?" Meizi looked at me earnestly, her tone clearly hesitant. "I... I know it's not fair to you, but..."

"Alright, I promise." For some reason, I agreed to her condition without a second thought.

"Well... I'm tired. Will you walk me home?" Meizi stood in front of me, hugging her bag, and joked casually, "I'm older than you—does that make me the old cow eating young grass?"

I didn't answer. I just stood up and followed her, not feeling a trace of the joy I thought love would bring.

Meizi and I walked down the street, one after another, without holding hands. It seemed that, deep down, I missed the Meizi who used to call me her employee more than anything.

Perhaps we were doomed from the very start...

(Chapter revised on August 18, 2010)