Chapter Thirty-Five: Inside and Outside the Examination Hall

Awakened by a mosquito bite at three in the morning, I found myself unable to fall back asleep. Sitting on my bed, enveloped in darkness, I thought of the looming college entrance examination. To my surprise, I felt no confidence at all; so I resolved to cram at the last minute, hoping at least to find some solace when the time came. With the decision made, I switched on the desk lamp, rolled over, and grabbed the Chinese textbook I had tossed onto my headboard the night before, turning page after page. Yet after only a few pages, boredom overcame me; the words seemed to pass through me without leaving a trace.

My mind wandered, and suddenly I thought of Lele...

My beloved Lele, you must still be lost in dreams at this hour. I wonder, though, do I appear in your dreams?

I let my thoughts drift aimlessly, and before I knew it, the clock showed seven. Climbing down from bed, I looked out the window: the sky was heavy and gray, as if rain might fall at any moment.

"Xiaobei, I'll go with you to the exam site later," my mother called from the kitchen as she prepared breakfast, turning to ask as I exited my room.

"First High is so close—I can go by myself." At my age, needing my parents to drop me off would be laughable. I quickly declined her kind offer.

"Then leave early and be careful on the road," my mother replied, not insisting, but repeating her reminders with tireless concern.

After all, it was the college entrance exam. Arriving early could only be wise. I hurried through my morning routine, checked my exam supplies while dressing, grabbed a slice of bread from the table, and dashed out the door with hardly a backward glance.

The exam site was at First High. As I approached the gate, I immediately spotted our homeroom teacher, Ms. Li, who seemed to have been waiting for some time. She appeared more anxious than we were, craning her neck like a giraffe, scanning the crowd for her beloved students.

After signing in with her, I entered the school and soon found my classmates gathered in a shady corner by the playground. Everyone was chatting, discussing topics wholly unrelated to the exam. After a while, something occurred to me—I absent-mindedly glanced around, searching. Only then did it hit me: Lele had been assigned to Second High's exam site and wasn't here at all.

Disappointed, I sat down on a step. By chance, I noticed Meizi standing on the nearby lawn, stealing glances at me. Her gaze reminded me so vividly of Lele three years ago.

Meizi's eyes sent a tremor through my heart, and I couldn't help but question myself: "Was that decision right or wrong? Do I truly like Meizi?" I was engulfed in a deep uncertainty.

As I wrestled with these thoughts, the preparatory bell for the exam suddenly rang out. Instantly, students surged from all directions toward the teaching building. Despite the staff's hoarse cries for order, everyone rushed forward, squeezing through the hastily erected barricade.

Caught in the throng, I stumbled my way to my exam room. Having checked the site yesterday, I found my seat with ease. Settling in, I took out my stationery and closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, comforting myself: "It's just an exam—nothing to worry about."

Once most students had arrived, the proctors began their preparations: checking admission slips, distributing papers, affixing labels, scanning the tests. When all was ready, the starting bell sounded.

The first subject was Chinese. Truth be told, I wasn't afraid of it, and the proctors were nothing like the intimidating figures our homeroom teacher had described. Their expressions were indifferent, even casual. Having slept poorly, my head was still foggy, so I subconsciously pressed my temples, striving to stay alert.

Throughout the exam, only the dictation questions troubled me; the rest was manageable, and as luck would have it, I had predicted the essay topic during my revision, allowing me to finish the 800-word composition in less than forty minutes.

With half an hour left, I handed in my paper.

Stepping out of the exam hall, I found rain drifting from the sky, but I refused to use my umbrella. Letting the rain soak me, I walked home alone.

The afternoon brought the mathematics exam. For someone as hopeless at math as I was, there were few questions I could answer. Within half an hour, I had completed everything I knew how to do. The empty spaces on the test irked me, so I scribbled random answers for the rest, filling every line. With plenty of time left and nothing to do—no talking, no music, no games—the boredom was absolute.

Thus, the first day of the college entrance exam ended without a ripple.

Learning from the previous night's ordeal, I made sure to light mosquito coils before bed. The mosquitoes were gone, but nightmares came in waves. Waking in the night, I drank some water, lay back down, and fantasized about the coming three-month holiday—and about Lele, who was drifting farther and farther from me.

On the second day, the rain had stopped.

The morning's exam was the liberal arts comprehensive: history, geography, and politics—all subjects I enjoyed and in which I had a solid foundation. So I finished the paper smoothly. Not rushing to hand it in, I gazed out the window, my mind heavy with thoughts. Sunlight filtered through the gaps in the green leaves, quietly spilling onto the windowsill. The scene reminded me of my recent promise to Meizi.

Time passes swiftly. Tonight, I am supposed to confess to Meizi. But do I really like her? Though we've always gotten along, I'm not sure this is love. It feels as if a vast distance still lies between us.

"You're just trying to get back at Lele," the thought suddenly arose.

"Don't be foolish! Do you think she'll care? No! She won't. She stopped liking you long ago," that irritating voice in my mind returned.

Thinking of Lele made me restless again. I glanced at the proctors, bit my lip, stood up, and handed in my paper.

The end of the liberal arts exam marked the end of my college entrance exam.

The afternoon's English exam was merely a formality. Faced with rows of unfamiliar words, I filled in the multiple-choice answers at random, scribbled some lines for the essay to meet the word count, and made sure the paper wasn't left blank. With nothing else to do, I lay my head on the desk and dozed.

Whatever the result, at least it was over.

For me, the college entrance exam brought no stress, no tension, no fantasies...

(August 18, 2010—Chapter revision completed)